Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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