Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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