Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm at about main and main street
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
