I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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