Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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