High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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