There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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