walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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