i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
