yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
