toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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