my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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