I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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