He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
