No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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