I didn't shave. On purpose
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
false alarm, still single
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
