I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
