Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
