i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
