My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
