i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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