can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
