the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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