This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
