My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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