I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
