perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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