can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
