Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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