he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
