its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she peed on how many people?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
