Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
