do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
