Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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