Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
