haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
