dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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