help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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