I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
