Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
