your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dicks are not precious.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
