hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
