if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
