The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
