I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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