Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
