Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
