Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
