Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
