lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
