At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
