Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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