You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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