pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What a dumb baby whore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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