We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
